Rich graduated last Saturday - we arrived early and took up a whole row of seats.  Plenty of pics were taken:  I would have pics posted already but as luck would have it - my phone I took pics with crashed, though I will figure out how to get my pics off it.  The Gateway Laptop crashed - so I lost hundreds of photos.  The digital camera is now my best hope and Antz will be uploading those pics now that Charles has returned to Sydney.

It's been very cruisy this week at school...counting down the days left of teaching students and then finals:  only 16 more!!  The brief break between Grad. classes and Summer Grad classes is welcomed.  Time enough to put the final touches to the townhome.  It needs to look its best to sell in this market.  Though I'm realistic that it may take many months and we may have to rent it out.

Back to sleeping on the couch for me...lol, Antz arrives tonight and I told him he can have the main bedroom.  As we don't want him to haul his bed back.

Less than four weeks left of school - three weeks of teaching.  My grad. finals were easy, now I have a short break before the Summer classes begin at the end of the month.

Last weekend was a great roadtrip to Kerrville. We took four cars in convoy, though one left us early on, speeding ahead.   Another car came up separately.   Bob arrived before all of us (coming direct from Austin).   We ate at a not very nice Mexican restaurant - which none of us will ever go back to again.   However, the icecream we bought at HEB helped fade the memory of dinner.  Back at camp Bob and one of the boys disappeared to go fishing and caught a large catfish.  While I took Katy on a little night adventure in the dark...(without a flashlight).  Bob was none too impressed, but it was fun wandering around scaring ourselves.  Noone believed Katy's claim of seeing a Bear in the dark, lol.

The accommodations were better than last time, but the noise level was abominable!  Didn't get to sleep until after 3am and then up again at 5.30am.   The work assignments were easy, we completed staining the picnic tables (think there were about 40 tables) mid morning and then moved on to two gardening assignments.   Our team worked very well, I was extremely proud of the students.  

We enjoyed dinner at Luby's and decided to go to the movies, but the students couldn't get into the R rated movie they wanted... so we went Mall Shopping instead, some headed to the river and then back to camp.   My hopes of getting a good night's sleep were quickly dashed, as the girls had other plans.... I'm not a happy camper when I don't get my sleep.....GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR

They soon found out they could not sneak out of the cabins...I cleverly located a chair behind the door so I could hear when they tried to get out.  The boys also gave up trying to get the girls out of their cabin after I rushed outside upon hearing a male voice.  So much for Bob supervising the boys cabin...he was fast asleep!!!!

Next morning, my crew found out how unpleasant travelling back with me...with little sleep would be.  It was mostly silent...they didn't dare ask to listen to music on the stereo system.

This week has flown by quickly

Both finals were easy.  The laptop failed...so now I need a new one. My employment contract arrived and I signed it; gave my formal resignation and tomorrow will be off to Austin for Richard's graduation.

I was excited to hear from my ole bud, Ra, from 25 years ago! 

The slab is getting closer to being poured.  Who knows I may be surprised to see the first pour has been completed.  And Sunday, we're celebrating Mother's Day...going paintballing.  Now I'm wishing I wasn't so unfit...it will be hellish hot (mid 90s) and I am carrying too many excess pounds!!!!

Countdown to the end of the Semester and academic year (for high school). YES!   Very easy week...just monitoring students for TAKS all week.  My finals for Grad. School are both next week and I will be ready for them.

It is with great excitement the year end approaches for me... Rich graduates next weekend.  I say good bye to  AHS and move on to a new job teaching English and Pre AP English.   Can't wait to see the progress with our house...hopefully the slab will be poured.

The townhome is looking good...and I'm ready to move.

Glad the Leos have a new sponsor to advise them next year. Last week taking the Leos to conference was a great step forward for the students to learn how the Lions run their large meetings.

This weekend will be fun too...will update next week after I take my finals.  It will be great to have a two week break before the Summer Semester begins.

My energy levels are low right now...not sure why I don't have much energy as I'm very happy emotionally, but physically I'm feeling very blaaahhhh.   Monthly functioning seems to go on  and on.  If I'm still not feeling right by Thursday, I'll go to the doctor.

Not sleeping is not helping the way I am feeling.  My insides are churning and my head is achy.  The allergy season has been awful this year.

1. Being offered the job I interviewed for last week and accepting it

2. Knowing my Graduate classes end in two weeks

3. Attending my son's college graduation in two weeks

4. Seeing the "hole in the ground" turning into a future home for us to live in.

5. Believing that everything can only continue to get better - and soon, the townhouse will sell, and I can finally move.

TODAY is a RED LETTER DAY.  Feel like I have finally arrived in terms of my career, to work for a School District I really want to work for and will be truly appreciated and able to grow professionally.

Now, if only I could celebrate tonight...alas, it's off to Grad. school for me.

Stress is a part of everyone's everyday lives... some of us have more than our share of "stress" and for my part I know I do contribute to my own stress levels rising and falling.  I've just never quite worked out how to keep it in check.  Consequently, my energy levels and moods rollercoaster at times.   When I'm surging full of energy, the stress propels into action and I achieve amazing things. When I look back, especially the essays I've written for my classes, I barely recall writing them.  I guess you call that "inspired writing".

However, right now my stress is spiralling upwards with presentations looming and little started.  As Bob says, you operate best when you have the deadline staring you in the face.  Very true, but I have no control over external events which always seem to  pop up when I'm attempting to achieve my usual dash for the finish line at lightning speed.

Juggling home remodelling - which is now 95% complete (just trim to put up in the dining room and regrouting the bathroom floors), preparing the home to sell - that is pretty much done also, just have to remove the "clutter" sort into boxes of trash and keep.  At the same time, applying for new teaching positions in Austin (one interview done and the most important one coming).  The house construction is finally on its way - the excavations are completed and the slab should be poured in the next couple of weeks.  But there's no way it will be built by the end of the summer - so the stress of knowing I will be in temporary accommodations is simply "uuggghhh".  Somehow in all this I have to keep my focus on my Graduate Studies and I have two presentations - one this week which is semi-started and one in another week.  Two finals and then a brief break before my next two classes begin for the Summer Session.

Still I have my classes I teach and they are very stressful as I care about my students' progress and it is not easy dealing with situations without much support from the Administration.  Particularly bothersome and disturbing is the treatment of one of my students who has cerebral pawsy, my concerns have been at best considered "over-reaction" and at worst "being suckered by the student, he's fake crying" - yet I was right:  The student's screams of pain were real HE HAD A BROKEN LEG and it was left like that for two days!   I can't begin to imagine the pain he suffered.   Sometimes I think am I the only one AWAKE and noticing something is not right??????  But I'm glad I stubbornly put myself out there for my students and say, something needs to be done about this. 

Yesterday I took action and went straight to the Principal with my concerns about the same student's behavior arriving to my class screaming - I can distinguish the difference between "cries of pain" and "cries for attention".   His communication device is a Dynavox - which seems so outdated, surely there could be something better for him.  He finally calmed down enough and wrote on it SOMETIMES I FEEL IGNORED WHEN I'M IN LIFESKILLS - unfortunately I didn't see the rest of his message it was erased before I could read it.  The teacher aide is awful with them, threatening him with office referrals if he doesn't stop crying. It made my blood boil.

I called my Department Head and expressed my concerns that the student is being prejudged - there is something wrong he hasn't come into class upset like this previously. Yet the past week he is deeply disturbed and in pain. His parents wrote me a long email stating the change they see in their son since his leg was broken.  I questioned the use of the leg restraints being used for his new wheelchair - and thankfully it is being looked at!!!!!

However, this all takes a toll on my energy levels and fighting for my students' rights.  Another student is a third year 9th grader.   That in itself is very troubling - no wonder students drop out if they aren't progressing to see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!!!!  I raised that with the Principal and A.P. over Special Ed.   It just seems neverending, and nothing much seems to happen in terms of progress with the system changing so slowly or not at all to accommodate the students' real needs.

Now that I have vented this morning, I'm ready to attack the day with gusto.  This morning I have renewed energy and nothing will get me down.  All in all, at least the progress I make with my students, I can see a real difference.  I think I have the repeating 9th Grader in my hand - she's open to believing its possible for her to graduate. 

More to write by the end of the week...am too busy to daily write.  The next couple of months are going to be crunchtime.  I can get through it    Bob is a great support, even though we are two hundred miles apart.  He's only a phone call away and by the end of the summer we'll be at last living in the same house.

In my life, there's always unexpected happenings.  The past twelve months has been a cycle of death that's "close to home" for me.  Yet in all this, life continues, new directions appear providing the possibility of new life, a form of rebirth.   Of course, it's very probable that "babies" could be on the horizon in the family.  My brother has not produced any yet, and my sons definitely could.  Anthony proclaimed "when" he has kids it will be at least four.  I think he figures if there's any tragedies, there will still be kids left to carry on.   This conclusion came from the very sad passing of Jamie and the devastation her family faced now that both of their only children have passed.  As for Richard, he's not thinking about babies until he's in his 30s (I chuckled to myself when he made that statement, having heard the exact same words uttered from his dad and 10 months later he was married and another year later Richard was born:  Charles was only 24).

When I woke up Monday morning and checked my messages online - I was surprised to read that my Aunt Lynn had passed away.  Even more surprising was that my dad hadn't been contacted.  Something I found out firsthand when I called to talk to him that morning and HE DIDN'T KNOW his own sister had died.   It is ironic that I, living over in the USA found out before he did and he lives in New Zealand.  Now the family members who will communicate have dad's contact information.

Thank goodness for the wonders of Instant Messaging (Yahoo rocks!) and my niece and cousin's common sense to contact me the best way they knew how: IM.

The rest of the week I was thinking of "home" (back in New Zealand), fondly recalling childhood memories of my Aunt and her children.   I was glad to hear dad was able to fly up to Auckland to attend the funeral.  Still it was difficult to comprehend why one brother can't pick up the phone to call another brother that their sister had passed?  Well that's the way the family communicates.  Much the same that it took two days for me to be informed that my own mum passed away last year.  For some reason, my sister who did nothing for mum's funeral, couldn't pick up the phone and call me.  Instead I had to find out via email from my brother.  The guilt of not returning for mum's funeral (due to time constraints and my passport/resident reentry not uptodate) was eased by being able to organize a fabulous wreath, an orbituary for the newspaper and my best friend reading an eulogy.  Our video messages sent for the funeral allowed for us to all feel like we were there and for the rest of family and friends who attended to see us too.

My mood and energy level has fluctuated significantly this week - at first I was just drained when I found out that dad didn't know about Aunty Lynn and I hated that I was so far away.  At one point I entertained the idea of flying back, but honestly it's just not doable in the short time you have to organize and fly 10,000 miles across the ocean.

Then I had a surge when I heard that many members of the family were going and dad would be catching up with relatives he hadn't seen since our nana passed in the mid 80s!  Yes, our family lets things run way too deep and needs to practice FORGIVENESS bigtime!!!!!!  I'm cheered to know that Aunty Lynn's passing has actually brought some closeness of a family that has ripped itself apart and been locked in timewarp for way too long.

The boys are off on their Spring Break (Port Aransas and Corpus Christi) after their Mid Term Exams.  Meanwhile, the excavations began today in preparation for the foundations to be poured for our new home.  Very exciting.

12 more weeks of teaching (and next week it's my Spring Break) then my Summer Courses commence.  Finally by the end of June I will be able to move to Austin.  Our house won't be finished but it will be well on the way to being completed.  Will be creating a website to document the building progress.

Today was a brilliantly sunny day - I watched the HGTV show for more ideas on how to update my townhouse kitchen to make it sell quickly.  Then shopping around for best prices for kitchen appliances.  Didn't buy anything but I've narrowed down my choices and it is only a few days from placing the order to having everything installed.

Bob has already sent me some pictures of the excavations - now I can believe it is really being built - our Dream Home!

The highlight of the day was hearing Bob's excited voice and the rumbling of the excavating machine.  Fortunately for us, it seems the soil is mainly the soft rock type (colechi - not sure how that is spelt) which has a lot of lime in it.  We have plenty of soil to backfill for the tall concrete wall which has to be built to help support the split level foundation.

It was fun driving around with the top down in the convertible - first time for this year.   Let's hope there is no more cold fronts blowing through.  I'm ready for Spring and Summer.  Tonight we lose an hour of sleep with the clocks moving forward.

Little sleepy tonight, for some reason I have not been able to sleep through the night ever since Jamie passed away.  I fall asleep too early and then I wake up in the early hours of the morning and have trouble going back to sleep again.  The cure will probably be when I move to Austin and no longer on my own.  I hate the nighttime the most.  It is so boring and I lack motivation to do anything worthwhile in the evenings that I am not going to Graduate School.

After months of preparation, bids, and negotiating with the bank we finally moved forward to closing on our plans to construct our dream home at the Lake.

It was almost surreal when the day finally arrived to close.  After a hiccup with the building permits and closing we now have the green light.  It really is going to be a reality to create our dream home which I designed for us to live in.  We're fortunate that Bob's brother Tom is helping us achieve our dream by being the builder and saving us thousands.

This week Bob surprised me by arranging for an additional feature to be added to the interior of our planned home.  I can't wait to see the finished home with this detail

Meantime, Bob will be busy overseeing the building while I continue with my Masters and prepare to move to Austin.  Summer cannot come soon enough.  We are both tired of travelling between Austin and Houston.  My car has already clocked 60,000 miles.

Spring Break is just around the corner, so we'll get to enjoy some time together and hopefully I'll see the excavated site of our future home

Antz and Rich are going to Port Aransas and Corpus Christi for their Spring Break, but I'll see Antz when he comes to Houston and both of them when I go to Austin the following week.

Life is pretty good right now.  The trip to Kerrville this weekend was awesome - I know the five students that went thoroughly enjoyed themselves, even working hard.  The camp was amazing with every ammenity: Tennis, Mini-Putt, Swimming, Lake, Boating, Theater, Gymnasium, outdoor basketball, Arts & Crafts.  The Dining Hall was huge.  It was just the sleeping arrangements which were not to anyone's liking.  I'm so glad to be home to sleep in my own bed tonight.

I loved being able to see Bob briefly when he arrived after he finished work on Saturday. 

This coming week have to endure TAKS but after that is over, school will be more enjoyable again.

Another awful, miserably wet, rainy weekend here in Houston.  It makes me think about that fateful night that Jamie never made it home.

Yet three weeks later, life goes on, as it should.  For we have all learned from this tragedy.  Antz is soldiering on, and determined that he will continue with his life goals.  Still it's difficult for him to come to terms with the fact that Jamie didn't get a second chance at life, in one split-second, a simple error cost her her life.   He questions... why, when she had turned her life around, her life is snuffed out and other worthless p.o.s. are still living?   All I can do is pray that he will move past his grief and come to accept that these things are outside of anyone's control.  Jamie believed in God, so knowing that, at least gives me some peace.  She is in a better place.

Anthony says he has no guarantee there is anything after you die, so he is going to live every moment he has in this world.  He was looking for a sign from God.  He asked me "Has God ever spoken to you?", I responded with "Not directly, but I do believe he's there watching over us and I have faith they whatever happens things will turn around in the end."  Sometimes it doesn't happen on our timing (when we want it).  Hard for a young person to fathom, when they want answers immediately.   I don't know if he has received the sign from God he has been looking for, but he has been a lot calmer and focused on his university studies.  Now that amazes me.   I lost all focus when my mum died, looking back time just became a blur.   Not sure how I managed to pull out the As for that semester.  I think my Professors were very generous in allowing me extra time until I was ready to take my Semester Finals.

Anyways, for me personally, since Jamie's passing I feel inspired to appreciate life more and enjoy it more.  For too long it's all been WORRY, WORK, STUDY, TRAVEL (back n forth to Austin).  Sometimes I didn't remember where anything was, always in a state of moving or working or studying and little time for anything else.     Definitely, these past few weeks has allowed me to re-examine how I have been living my life and I came to the conclusion that I needed to drasticly change things: reinject more fun and laughter (not so serious), less pressure on myself and more love and appreciation. 

With that in mind, last weekend was great as I spent Saturday with Maria and her little twins who she now has custody (they are her grandbabies).  It was so delightful to see them playing together.  I'm so happy for Maria - having the girls in her life - they are positive reminders of life continuing after their father passed away.

Last weekend was MLK holiday and how happy I was to have all of my family with me.   We were altogether, the house was full of life - Rich had Divina with him;  Jamie and James were with Antz and Ochoa and a couple of his friends came over.  We laughed, watched a movie together.  The next day we were deciding what we would all do before the boys had to head back to Austin.

While Rich and Divina left to have Divina's nails done, Antz and Jamie went to pick up James.  Eventually we were all ready to go play basketball...but Antz hadn't come back with James, instead we all met up at Seabrook basketball courts.  It was so much fun, Jamie was a little fireball, the smallest and lightest person on the court, she was fearless.  Reminded me of myself when I was that age.  She didn't care how big anyone was, she was taking them on.

Although our team lost: Antz, Jamie, James and I; the teams changed with Bob and I resting out and Jamie moving over to Rich and Ochoa's team.   This new team won...

It had turned bitterly cold and began to rain. I remember having several layers on as well as Antz' leather jacket.  We returned home and warmed ourselves up while watching Eastern Promise on dvd.  Jamie and Antz were curled up on the loveseat and Bob and I were stretched out on the 3 seater.  When the others finally arrived (they had taken Johnny home - he was feeling sick and picked up Marley) we were comfortable watching the movie and didn't want to venture out to the movies, so Rich and Divina left with Ochoa after they had eaten out and come back for them.

This past week had been so cold, and there was no Grad School for me just semester finals for school - a very easy week.   I fell asleep early Friday night and woke up after a disturbing dream.   In it, I saw my best friend (Martha) die in a car accident.  It was the early hours of Saturday morning, I couldn't go back to sleep again so I decided to be productive and began sorting out things and organizing the townhouse better.

I put it out of my mind till the afternoon when I told Bob about my dream and he suggested I call Martha, and I said "no", I've heard nothing so it's not that.

This morning (being Sunday) I have been out of sorts, had planned to do a lot of things today and found myself just lingering at home.  Then the phone rang and it was Antz, he asked me to put the phone on speakerphone so Bob could hear, but Bob's not here this weekend.  Then he asked me where I was, and I told him I was at home alone.  That's when he told me Jamie had an accident on her way coming back from Galveston Friday night (early hours Saturday morning)...he was telling me she hydroplaned, she hit the wall and I already knew...SHE'S DEAD, she didn't make it she was going 80mph.   I just wept.  I felt so bad for my son.  This was the girl who was graduating from college this semester, she had dreams, she wanted to live with my son in Austin.  They weren't officially anything to each other, though she was the last person he dated before he left for college last Fall.  And I knew how she felt about Antz.  We'd all had such fun together last weekend and now she's gone.

Life is so fragile.  I will remember Jamie's zest for life, her can do attitude and how much she loved my son.  Bob's gone to be with the boys this afternoon.   Well they are young men, but they're always my boys.

Sometime this week the funeral will be held here, it will be strange coming together, something I usually relish, but this will be with great sadness at the passing of such a young, vibrant and fun loving person.

We love you Jamie.  They say the good die young, and you exemplified "good" and brought some joy to Antz when his life was in turmoil transitioning through high school to college.

XOXOXOXO To you in heaven

The boys finally returned from visiting Australia/New Zealand.  Dad had been thrilled with their brief visit - he made the most of the four hours alloted (between flights) in Wellington due to the generosity (not!) of Charles.  I was so pleased to hear they had been able to drive around Wellington and out to the Hutt Valley to visit the homestead in Korokoro.

It was also back to uni for all of us.  What a successful first Semester Antz had:  4.0GPA!!!!!!!!   Making his own mark at uni, as he is pursuing different studies to his brother, majoring in Biology to eventually apply for Med. School and specialise (that's open as to what area).  Rich will graduate at the end of this Semester.  WOW how the last four years has flown by since he first went off to Austin.   

I really missed not having anyone at home any more, though I'm glad that my sons are successfully spreading their wings and flying high, preparing for their own independent lives.   It's still great to have them flocking home, and Antz has returned to Houston this MLK holiday weekend to celebrate his 19th birthday and see his friends.   This meant a change of plans for all of us.  I stayed in Houston, Bob will be arriving later today and Rich will be getting his third car:  Another ZX300 but this time not a convertible.  Finally the insurance check came in for his car that was totalled after some idiot decided to u-turn into him on his street as he was driving down the road.

Uni. studies for me look a lot easier than last semester (relief!) so it will just be a matter of disciplining myself to study.   I'm looking forward to it as both courses are interesting and very relevant to my students.  Hopefully I will be able to pick up an online course or two to finish off my Masters so I won't have to travel back and forth between Austin and Houston.  The travelling has really begun to weigh heavy on both Bob and I.

February hopefully will be the commencement of building our new home.   We are well on the way towards a closing date and have received all the bids for the work to be carried out.  It is nervewracking, as the construction industry is notorious for unreliable subcontractors and cost overruns.   I think I will be talking to my dad in New Zealand to get some pointers from him about getting contractors on site when you need them.

It's been raining constantly in Houston for the past couple of days, miserably wet and cold.   Finally, the sun has peeked its head out and for the first time in a few months I am feeling positive, alive and full of energy with the great promise of all my family's successes and more successes ahead of us.  Anthony is enthusiasticly looking forward to the house being built.  He announced he wants to buy a windsurfer to use on the lake.

Who knows, Rich may have some extra surprise attendees at his College Graduation in May      He has some big decisions to make as to where he will work and live.  There is a whole world out there to choose from.   I know he loved being back in New Zealand for the brief time he had.

2008 is full of promise and I love the closeness that we all feel and share with each other.  We are a small tight knit family with a lot of love.  Having Bob in our family has enriched it more and it was wonderful Rich said Bob is our family too.  I know that means alot to him, not ever having had any children before. 

No time to post entries last semester... it was the worst few months I've ever experienced in terms of utter lonliness, exhaustion (mental and physical) and extreme pressure/stress.

A major factor was all of my family was now in Austin, except me.  Coming home every day to noone to talk to or just knowing there's someone else in the home left an uncomfortable void in the pit of my soul.  I was miserable and Bob was miserable, feeling all my unhappiness at the situation which we just have to accept and live through until I can move to Austin.

The other problem was my study and commitments to Leos.  I really didn't enjoy my courses, one was mega demanding and the other one was just frustrating with little direction/guidance from the tutor. What a relief that's all over with.

The last days of 2007 were ended with a happy gathering of the family to celebrate an early Christmas before the boys went off to Australia/New Zealand.   Bob made Christmas special for me and distracted me from my sadness with a wonderful Christmas Eve night spent at Kemah.   Christmas Day we went to see "Golden Compass" and took Maria with us.   New Year's Eve was another non-exciting event which I missed again (third year in a row) falling asleep around 6pm in the evening!